Choosing a Therapist That is Right for You
The #1 predictor of success in therapy is the quality of the relationship between therapist and clie
It is crucial that you find someone that you feel comfortable with so you can develop the trust necessary to bring about change and transformation. When you identify a therapist you are considering, talk to them on the phone before scheduling an appointment. A quality therapist will be happy to spend a few minutes on the phone with you. This is important for 3 primary reasons:
You want to be sure they actually offer help for the problem or issue you have.
Some therapists only work with children or specialize in couples. Some work primarily with people who are on the autism spectrum. You want to make sure your presenting issue is in their wheelhouse. For example, I don’t treat OCD specifically. That is a specialized course of treatment that I am not competent to practice. If someone calls me for help with that, I refer them to someone who can accommodate them. You want to make sure your therapist is experienced with the kind of issue you are bringing.
There are certain questions or requirements that you might have that would be good to clear up befor
It would be good to know how much they charge before you get there. If their fee is not in your budget, you will want to know that before you spend a full session with them. How long are their sessions? How do they feel about remote sessions if you are stuck at work or can’t make it to the office? What is their cancellation policy? Do they offer evening appointments? What is the duration of treatment for their clients? This short conversation can help you to feel like you know what you are signing up for.
You want to get a sense for who they are before you commit to a full one-hour session with them.
Sometimes you can get a sense over the phone if they are going to be a good fit for you. Do they seem kind, compassionate, and welcoming? Do they seem genuinely interested in working with you? Do you get the sense that they can actually help you? When you get a feeling of trust in the person over the phone, it sets you up to be more hopeful and open when you get to the first session. This makes the whole process run smoother.
Not all therapists are the same. Look for these flags:
Red Flag #1
The therapist talks a lot about themselves.
This is not ok. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves about my peers. Psychotherapy should be about you, the client. Therapists should rarely disclose personal information and ONLY do so when they can justify a therapeutic benefit to the client. The energy in this relationship should be going one way… to the client.
Red Flag # 2
They quote you a higher rate than what they have posted.
Not cool. Therapists should be transparent about their fees and not mislead people to believe that if they choose you, the fee will be lower than what they actually charge.
Red Flag #3
They offer guaranteed success or positive outcomes.
Impossible. There is no such thing as a one size fits all psychotherapy. People are different and their needs, resilience, experience, and goals vary. No one can promise success, no matter how experienced they are. Psychotherapy usually brings about some kind of positive change but like most things, you don’t know what that will be until you actually do it. No one can predict the future with certainty.
Red Flag #4
They seem scattered, overly disorganized, or indecisive.
A phone call with a potential therapist is a microcosm of their what your experience will likely be with them in session. If they seem like they don’t have their act together, there is a good chance that they don’t. Nobody is perfect but a well-balanced therapist is going to make sure that they can dedicate their time and attention to you when they call you back. If they are all over the place on the phone, they will likely be that way in their office. We all have our moments but when a therapist returns the call of a potential client, they should be composed and dedicated to the task at hand.
Red Flag #5
They give you the feeling that you must persuade or convince them, to take you on as a client.
A therapist should never ask a potential client to justify their worthiness of the therapist’s time and attention. All human beings have inherent dignity and worth. Therapists who do this will often have an inflated sense of their own worth and importance and this will almost certainly play out in the therapy that they offer. And not in a good way. Warmth, empathy, and genuineness are the things what you want to experience with a therapist.
Red Flag #6
They only offer online therapy.
Many of my colleagues will take issue with me on this one. Ok, hear me out. It has never been easier to be in private practice. You only need a license, a laptop, and a closet. Ten years ago, you needed a physical office: real estate, furniture, magazines, bathrooms, air conditioning, and so on. I celebrate the advances in technology, and I will not debate or take the stance that online therapy is inferior to in-person therapy. That depends mostly on what the client wants and what works for them. During the pandemic, I had to meet with my own therapist online. Some of our most meaningful interactions happened in that space. I too practice online or tele-health therapy when my clients request it.
I am not trying to punish or ostracize people for not having more financial investment or capital in their practice. But, it is not debatable that someone with an actual office has more invested in their practice. And more importantly, what if the client’s needs change and they want to switch to in-person therapy? If the therapist does not have a physical office, they cannot accommodate this preference for their client. You should have the option, as a client, to be seen in the way you wish to be seen. When therapists only offer online therapy, they limit your options as a client.
Red Flag #7
They are not fully licensed.
In the State of Florida, it is a kind of a grey area when it comes to whether a not-fully licensed clinician can be in private practice. It appears to be technically legal if 1) they have a credentialed clinical supervisor on record with the Department of Health who fully takes on their professional liability for their work with clients AND, 2) there is a licensed clinician (not necessarily their supervisor) who is physically present in the building when they are providing therapy to clients. For clinicians of my generation, it used to be considered arrogant to think of oneself as ready for independent private practice prior to full licensure. The old guard tradition is to pay your dues for a few years doing non-profit agency work. That is changing and therapists are entering private practice sooner than they did in previous generations.
Everyone has to start somewhere and the only way to get experience is to do the work. I get it. If you know that your therapist is new to this work and you are fine with that… great! The problem is that many of them will appear online to be a fully licensed clinician when they are not. In the State of Florida, pre-licensed professionals are called registered interns. Before I was fully licensed, I was called a Registered Clinical Social Worker Intern. That is the official title. It is illegal to abbreviate that to RCSWI. If you abbreviate your status, you will inevitably mislead the average person who thinks that the more letters after your name, the better. Not true in this case. You deserve to know how much experience your therapist has. Psychotherapists learn to do therapy by doing therapy. In most cases, the more experience, the more equipped that person is to do good work.
Red Flag #8
They insist that you purchase a bundle of sessions upfront.
Some clinicians will offer a modest discount if you pay upfront for a series of sessions in a bundle. There is nothing wrong with this generally. However, what if you decide after 2 sessions that this person is not a good fit and you have already paid for 3 more sessions? Do you get a refund? Some businesses use this sales tactic in the hopes that you don’t use all the sessions you already purchased so they get to keep the money you already paid. Bundles are fine but clients should have the option to pay as they go if that is their choice. Or get a refund if they choose not to continue.
Red Flag #9
They seem creepy.
Trust your gut. Don’t schedule a session with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Red Flag #10
They are pushing workbooks as a central part of the treatment.
Some therapists seem to have already decided what intervention you need without even getting to know you first. More and more therapists are pushing workbooks as a central part of their practice. If you are doing workbooks with a therapist, you are not doing therapy. This may sound closed minded, but therapy should be a deeply personal relationship that is dynamic and in constant flux. Workbooks assume a linear trajectory of knowledge accumulation. That is not how people change. Workbooks have their place, but they should not be the centerpiece of the therapeutic experience.
Red Flag #11
They are insisting that you schedule an appointment now.
There is no need to coerce potential clients. People have the choice to do whatever they want. If a therapist is being pushy, it could be a sign of their desperation. Their concern is not your problem. If a therapist is being pushy the first time you interact with them, go somewhere else for therapy.